Use Your Cojones! Bitches runnin’ wild man!

Last night, after a great panel and networking session at PenUp Songwriter, my Cypher Lounge Radio co-host, HP, and his friend Leslie (my Aquarius soul-mate), and I hit up Mexicali for yummy nachos and margaritas. Of course, after discussing the importance of relationships in the music business and the change in culture, the subject turned to romantic relationships between men and women. And I realized something…bitches are running loose in LA.

It’s a pandemic really. It’s like a lot of men out here (not all but a lot) have replaced their balls with a fleshy makeshift vagina. I often find myself, after a text or call, looking at the phone with a slightly puzzled and disgusted face saying out loud, “Does he think that he is the woman?”. Everywhere I go, there is another woman who is tired of this bullshit. It has been the theme of the month, but I noticed that it was really bad when I heard men start to talk of this disease. Let’s just call it Bitchalicus (bitch-a like-us). I mean, let’s face it, there is a MAN code. They think they are better than us and we are better than them, and because of this, men tend to have other men’s backs most of the time. Recently, I have heard a few men talk about how wack other men are in this city and how Bitchalicus is running rampant. This is when I considered freezing my eggs for when I move to the mid-west or east coast, in hopes of finding a non-carrier of Bitchalicus. After a second thought, I reneged.

I hear this observation usually from men that are from Chicago, New Orleans, New York..usually recent imports. I point out the “recent” part because a lot of the men who have Bitchalicus came here fully in tact from other places. They got off the plane or out of the cars that got them here with two fully functioning balls, but after years of living in LA, they have shriveled up into … I’m not sure exactly.

For those of you who are confused about what I mean when I talk about bitch tendencies or Bitchalicus in men, let me break it down for you:

1. At a bar/club/whatever, you spend more energy staring at me, scoping me out, but instead of making the first move, you either stand right in front of me or across from me at all times, waiting for me to approach you = Bitch tendencies. This is what women do and is not to be confused with men who are simply shy/awkward/nervous/etc.

2. You get all butthurt when you are called out for your lack of action e.g.; not following through on dates, not calling and then popping up, just saying shit and NEVER doing it= Bitch tendencies. Men do the opposite and take pride in that. I can not treat you like a child and give you passes for everything and still respect you as a man.

3. You refuse to make an effort to actually court/date a woman, yet get sensitive when you found out that she in fact “dating” men, just not you = Bitch tendencies. Don’t cry about it, step your game up. Men go out everyday and work towards what they want, mainly money. Women are no different from money.

4. If you always,  always have excuses this= Bitch tendencies. It goes back to number 2 and it’s just annoying. Shut up. Man up. Admit you were slipping or wrong because excuses get old real quick and they are NOT sexy.

5. This one was actually brought to my attention by a man. You expect the most bangin’ model-like chick ever, to the point to where you think you are higher than a woman in value. You over analyze every physical quality, without acknowledging her inner beauty, when you don’t even have the qualities physically or the characteristics that you think you are worthy of = Bitch tendencies. I’m sorry, but there is only one Halle Berry in the world and I doubt she wants your ass, so, if you don’t see Idris Elba, Brian White or Tatum Channing when you looking in the mirror, don’t expect Halle.

6. You expect me to initiate everything; phone calls, convo, dates, sex…= Bitch tendencies. When you can’t take charge and lead me as a man, then I become the man and that defeats the purpose of being with you. It’s not my job to always be the assertive one. You are created to do so. Don’t get me wrong, women do set the pace of the relationship and a man should respect that but a man should be a leader for the most part.

7. You spend more time hating on my hustle than getting your own = Bitch tendencies.

8. Lastly, you always want something. Got your hand out for hand outs. You want me to go all out for your birthday but I couldn’t even get a Facebook shout out?!  Or, you somehow think that because me and your mother have a vagina that I am now your mama, and therefore should cook for you and let you come over and be available when you are, when you ain’t even my man or my child! = Bitch tendencies.

Jay-Z, On To The Next One, Blueprint 3- "No I'm not a Jonas Brother, Ni*** I'm a grown up. No I'm not a virgin, I use my cojones."

Its sad, but this is what is happening. I even jokingly said that I am going to go to LAX with a sign that says “New Imports ONLY! Mid-West and East Coast Preferred. No Damaged Goods” because it’s when feet touch the “shiny” streets of LA when things start to change a bit. I have witnessed it, especially when money and success come into play.

Ladies, this needs to stop. We need to stop excepting this behavior. My co-host HP said simply, as have a few men I have talked to about this pandemic, that if a man makes a big deal about your requirements for him being a man, drop him! He’s not the man for you. You will find your man and he will be that man without struggle.

So ladies, just because a man has a “man card” does not mean he has a valid one. Check his references and see if he even has an open line of credit before you let him swipe that card, if you know what I’m saying.

I can not do this alone…it takes a village you know.

Until then, we need to alert Barack that we are at a Neon Yellow Orange Alert and an antidote is needed immediately. Who’s with me?